Musings from My Moleskine: “You”

How truly remarkable to be the only “you.” And yet, this fact doesn’t seem to be enough for us; We spend our time trying to figure out our purpose, trying to figure out the meaning of life, trying to figure out how we can leave an impact on the world when in actuality, the mere fact that you are and will forever be the only you created is value enough.

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Why are we the ways that we are?

It truly is a wonder to think about all of the individuals in the world and remember we are each crafted to represent the many visions and images of a higher being (otherwise known as “The Big Man”).

How truly remarkable to be the only “you.”

And yet, this fact doesn’t seem to be enough for us; We spend our time trying to figure out our purpose, trying to figure out the meaning of life, trying to figure out how we can leave an impact on the world when in actuality, the mere fact that you are and will forever be the only you created is value enough.

That is your impact.

Who you are and what you do is your life’s purpose. It is enough to just be you. In fact, it’s more than enough – being you is a huge responsibility and honor!

And, guess what, YOU’RE KILLING IT.

No one does it like you do, and the world is so thankful. So the next time you start questioning yourself, your life, and ultimately falling into a tailspin of though garbage, remember that you are a value-add to this world just by showing up.

Keep showing up.

xx

happily Haleigh

27 things I’m moving on from

In no particular order, here are 27 things I plan to leave behind when I turn 27, or at least try to. Hey, nobody’s perfect, but I gotta work it, again and again til I get it right… okay I’ll stop.

In no particular order, here are 27 things I plan to leave behind when I turn 27, or at least try to. Hey, nobody’s perfect, but I gotta work it, again and again til I get it right… okay I’ll stop.

1. Misalignment:

I’ve been getting a little “woo woo” lately, and one of the podcasts I listened to spoke about manifestation. It’s a very interesting concept that has been talked about for years and years, but really what I’ve taken away from it is this: Manifestation is not just about wishing or envisioning something happening in your life.

Girl, YOU GOTS TO DO THE WORK. You can’t just say “I want x” and then just sit on your couch and expect the universe to hand it to you on a silver platter. No. You want a new job? Guess what, you have to be open to opportunities AND you have to apply and go to interviews.

Are your actions aligned with the life you want? This is something I’m going to be consistently assessing this next year, and I’m leaving the misalignment behind me.

2. Dating Apps:

Okay hear me out here: I have always been the girl who is perpetually single, and to be frank, I’m fine with it. Honestly. Even my mother has told me that she thinks I may never get married, and I wasn’t offended in the slightest by that statement!

But I have always said, that if I do meet “The Guy”, I want it to be organically. Yeah, I want that somewhat movie-magic moment where things just fall into place. Maybe it’s the other part of me that’s a hopeless romantic, but dating apps just seem forced, and have ruined dating culture. I could go on and on about this… But I’ll leave it here:

I’m leaving the apps behind because (to my previous point), having them is not an action that aligns with what I want to welcome in. So catch me in real life, knights in shining armor!

3. Scarcity:

“Minimalism!” Honestly, NO. Guess what, I don’t want to live minimally. Do I want to have a bunch of stuff I don’t need in life? No, BUT, I can’t totally get on board with this trend.

Life is meant to be lived LARGELY and when I’m living in a state of scarcity, I am a sad Haleigh. And this blog is call happily Haleigh. That would be misaligned… so bye bye scarcity! HELLO TO ALL THE THINGS IN LIFE.

4. FOMO:

Oof, this is a tough one. I’m not sure one can truly do away with this mentality, but I definitely am aware of how awful I feel when I have this emotion.

Fear of Missing Out is a construct of society though. Fear that something you say “no” to will be that one magic moment where your life has so much value added to it that you have completely missed the boat by not attending.

Guess what – life gives you what you need, and if you’re trusting your intuition, the decisions you make should make you feel grounded. Know that those decisions are what are right for you, and you’re not missing out. What was there, was not meant for you. And your Netflix in bed probably saved you from a truly horrific night.

5. Fake Likes:

Again, SOCIETAL PRESSURE IS REAAAAL. Have you ever felt like “Oh I should read more because I’m supposed to like reading.” Or ooo, ooo, better example: GAME OF THRONES. (Come one, you don’t all actually like that show).

So, you pretend to “like” something because everyone else does, or you’re supposed to, or it will make you look like a better human. Well no more of this. I shouldn’t feel shame because I prefer watching a good show vs. reading most nights. I shouldn’t feel the need to keep up with certain celebrities that I truly don’t care about.

Stop pretending to like things. It’s dumb and make you a robot.

6. Fake Friends:

Same goes with friends. Stop pretending to like people you don’t like, and stop trying to keep people in your life who don’t actually like you. Plain and simple.

7. Second Guessing:

CONFIDENCE, COHEN. (If you don’t know this reference, you’re a fake friends and I can no longer associate with you. Kidding, kinda).

8. “What If’s”:

Ah, yes, “what if” is a classic and extremely well-known term to any ruminator. I’ve spoken about ruminating before – I’ve done this my WHOLE life. It’s in my blood. I’ll probably still have a lot of these moments the rest of my life, but I’m going to do my best to be more aware of when I get in my head.

9. Saying “Yes”:

I like to make people happy – plain and simple. I don’t like to be difficult, because I think the world would be better if we all just tried a little harder. But sometimes, I hand out “yes’s” like Oprah handing out cars – “You get a Yes, You get a Yes, Everybody gets a Yes!” It gets draining! Knowing my health issues, I have to be a little more protective of myself this year. So if I tell you no, it’s not because I don’t love you, I just have to love me more this year 🙂

10. Saying “No”:

I know, I’m contradicting myself, but I have a point. Some of the things I say “yes” to, I could definitely cut back on. However, I could also stop saying “no”. No to opportunities, no to new people in my life, no to things that could welcome awesomeness into my life.

Basically, I need to work on a better balance between “yes” and “no” this year.

11. Hiding:

Isn’t it so easy to hibernate in your room, in your bed, under the covers, watching Netflix or endlessly scrolling on social media? It’s so easy. Especially when you have a valid of excuse of “I’m really not feeling well, I need to rest, etc.” (this is valid in my case).

And yes, knowing things I’m going through, I do need to rest and take care of myself. BUT I do NOT want to become a hermit in this world. I live in the most beautiful city, with awesome people, and amazing experiences. It’s a shame to hide from that, and it’s a shame to hide myself from the world! Again, balance.

12. Society’s Timeline:

BOY BYE. Do you feel like everyone you know is getting married, having babies, buying houses, etc? Yeah, I feel that too. And it’s polarizing when you are no where near that point in your lie. But remember, God isn’t putting that timeline on you – society is. And you know what God doesn’t care about? Society. Yeah, he really doesn’t lol.

You know the only thing you should care about? Your timeline that God has given you. He has it worked out. Don’t stress.

13. Comparison:

MUST. STOP. SCROLLING.

Again! Don’t compare your chapter to another’s chapter – YOU’RE IN A DIFFERENT BOOK! Of course they won’t look the same 🙂

14. Control:

I’ve also touched on this before on my instagram, I believe – trying to give up that need to control EVERY little thing in my life. As the great Carrie Underwood once said: “Jesus, take the wheel”. Amen, girl.

15. Other people’s baggage:

Repeat after me: “Other people’s baggage is not yours to carry”.

Do you work at the airport? Are you a taxi driver? NO. You are not a baggage handler!! Let people figure their own stuff out. It’s great if you want to help, and I think we should all help each other. But don’t carry it. DO NOT.

16. Band-Aids:

Netflix, food, social media, coffee… you name it. We all have a lot of “band-aids” that we turn to when we are stressed or wanting to feel numb. Band-aids don’t have to be anything “bad”, but I definitely know that there are things in my life that I use to distract myself from feelings or thoughts.

17. Resentment:

I mean, this is just never a good thing, I think we can all agree on that! I don’t carry a lot of resentment, but I do have a hard time forgetting when someone hurt me. I carry around little nagging feelings, and they are sometimes hard to shake. But, I have to shift my mental picture on this to understand that this emotion does not affect the other person, it only affects me… not cool! So buh-bye!

18. Boring Nights:

Now let me clarify, I will still revel in my Netflix nights. But what I mean by this is shifting my mindset. Some might say a typical week-night at home is “boring” because it’s normal, nothing special, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be enjoyable! I’m going to practice shifting my mindset to enjoy all of my nights, even if it’s my normal meal-prep, dinner, netflix bed routine.

19. Things I just don’t want or need or use:

Stuff. Get rid of the Stuff. ‘Nuff said.

20. “I’ll be happy when”:

Oooo yes, “the grass is greener”, “I’ll be happy when”‘s… LIVE IN THE MOMENT HALEIGH. We are not promised tomorrow, so just be happy now.

21. Guilt:

Past mistakes are in the past – the guilt will eat you alive, and cause you stress, and make your health issues worse, so stop that.

22. Perfectionism:

I will never truly be rid of my perfectionism, so this is more of a thing I’m always working on. But, I know that it contributes to my stress levels, and again, I’m trying to zen out over here.

23. Waiting:

Because I am a very “what if” person, I tend to think on decisions for quite sometime. Sometimes that is good, but sometimes you just end up waiting. Waiting and doing nothing. Because Hamilton is on my mind, I related so much to “Wait for It” sang by “Aaron Burr”. I’d like to think I could be more like Hamilton, but maybe a mix between Burr and Hamilton would be better…

24. “Just”:

I’ve pretty much successfully erradicated this term from my professional emails because I once read an article that women use it to justify themselves in business settings (ain’t nobody got time for that).

But I realized that this word creeps into other areas of life:

“Oh I’m just going to brunch with a friend” – NO. You are going to brunch with a friend!! You have a friend! You have money to buy brunch! You will be fed! You will be creating memories! THIS IS AWESOME!!

“Oh I’m just hanging out at home” – NO. You have a home to hang out in, a roof over your head, a place to keep you safe! THIS IS AWESOME!!

“Oh I’m just doing laundry” – NO. You have clothes to wear! You have money to buy clothes and do laundry! You have a way to express yourself! THIS IS AWESOME!!

Do you see how diminishing the word “just” is? Nike should get a new slogan.

25. Tension:

I literally feel stress and tension in my shoulders every day and that just needs to stop. Maybe I just need more massages?

26. The past:

All I have to say is this:

“There’s only us, there’s only this
Forget regret, or life is your’s to miss
No other path, no other way
No day but today”

(again if you don’t know this reference… ugh.)

Mic drop.

27. Coffee

LOL. You thought I was serious.

xx

happily Haleigh

I may just be the sickest healthy person you know…

“You eat so well!”

“You crush it in the gym!”

“You’re young and look so healthy though!”

All comments that have been said to me — and yet, here I am, about to turn 27 and feeling like an 80 year old whose life has been ripped away from her far too soon with every new medical discovery and diagnosis I receive.

Yesterday, I had my second appointment with Dr. Nicole. If you’ve been keeping up, you’ll remember her to be my new functional doctor. Since my first visit with her, I’ve finished my round of Xifaxan prescribed by my no-longer gastro for the SIBO (and no, I’m not feeling magically better as I had wished) and have also completed more bloodwork – something pretty routine to me by this point.

At my appointment yesterday, we went over the new bloodwork Dr. Nicole had requested, and boy, it was quite the overwhelming experience. I’ll be honest, my happy-go-lucky, can-do attitude broke a little yesterday.

Dr. Nicole, is great – let’s not get that confused. She sat with me and talked through all the findings, and summarized everything into her plan of action very clearly. She answered all my questions, and is just a great human overall. But the information she shared was less than appealing, and although knowledge is power, yesterday, knowledge just felt like a ton of bricks.

Picture this: A movie moment — cue the dramatic and triumphant music (you know the one), a track-star about to win the race, smiling ear to ear, he makes his way toward the finish line in slow motion. The end is in sight, the gold so close he can taste it, and out of nowhere, he starts to trip and his smile fades slowly. Zoom into his ankles turning this way and that way, his knees knocking, now back up to his face that has now gone from a look of victory to full-on defeat before cutting back to real time with the winner-to-be face-planted on the track with a furry of feet trampling him to take his place for first, second and third as he just lays there, defeated.

That is how I felt after my appointment yesterday. When I had the SIBO diagnosis, I felt like I was on my way to victory – FINALLY! Something to blame all my problems on, and medication to potentially fix it! However, the antibiotics haven’t left me feeling any better (deep-down I knew that 2 weeks wouldn’t truly make a difference). But today, I found out that in addition to the SIBO, I have candida, and have also been living with 3 chronic viruses in my system. THREE.

Epstein Barr Virus (two strands of it, actually), some other mono-causing virus, and herpes (no, not that kind). And before you ask, NO I AM NOT CONTAGIOUS.

Am I totally shocked? I mean, not really. Yes in the sense that these viruses are still in my system, but I had mono in college my sophomore year (2012), and since then, have struggled a lot with my health.

In addition to the viruses, I also found a few different things were off with my autoimmune response, candida, some vitamin levels, thyroid levels, etc.

Basically, I’m the sickest healthy person you know. What I mean by that is I do everything right. I do my best to eat well, I exercise regularly, and just generally take good care of myself, and it’s not enough. And isn’t that frustrating? It is. I really can’t even put into words at the moment just how draining it feels.

Dr. Nicole has a protocol for me which I’ll chat about in a different post, but for now all I’ll say is this: it’s a lot of supplements that of course insurance won’t cover, so of course I’m starting to stress about money. But stress isn’t good. How do I not stress? NOW I’M STRESSED ABOUT STRESSING. (Do you see how for a type A personality, this can be a black hole?)

Anyway, the short of it is this: start the supplement protocol, complete the stool test (which cost me $500 – yikes), follow a candida diet, and follow-up in 5 weeks when the aforementioned test results are in.

I know this post was a little more negatively toned than what I typically convey, but I’m having a moment. I feel like I am wasting the prime years of my life just trying to heal myself. At 27, I should be going out and enjoying life and spending my money on fun experiences and meeting new people — not worrying about spending my money on supplements and how much sugar and carbs I’m eating and if I’m doing everything to lower my viral load and kill yeast and bacteria… UGH. Somedays I just feel like an old shell, and it’s hard, because that is NOT me. I used to be, and want to be, a very full person. But it’s hard some days, and that’s just the truth of it.

With my birthday approaching in 2 weeks (May 11th if ya wanna set a calendar reminder!), I feel so conflicted. I know I’ll want to celebrate, but I’ll feel guilty knowing it won’t be good for my body – but am I supposed to just not celebrate? WHERE IS THE FUN IN THAT?!

Life isn’t fair, but I’m trying to remember that there is a lesson in all that we experience. What is meant for you will find you when it’s right for you.

Look out for my next post on my protocol and a few more deep-dive details (if you’re following me for specific health interests!), but until next time…

xx

happily Haleigh

#slayingSIBO // general update

SO.

Here I am, 3 days after finishing my two-week round of Xifaxan, and I feel… the same.

In fact, I might feel worse? Because along with not finding relief, that ROUGH round of antibiotics left me with some fun side effects: breakouts, weird rashes, swelling in my limbs, worsened joint pain… super fun times, my friends!

Thankfully, I have another appointment with Dr. Nicole on Monday. The plan is to chat about anything she found in my bloodwork, and discuss about next steps (remember that super fun test I talked about previously? Yeah, that’s probably gonna go down LOL).

In the meantime, I have also secured an MRI for my chronic lower back pain and emailed a doctor about my toe pain (I was set to actually have a toe surgery in January, but getting a new job threw a wrench in that!). Not only is my original, right toe still hurting, but now my left one has started bothering me. OOF.

Today in Chicago, it is snowing. Yes, in April. And honestly, while I’m not THRILLED about it, it’s given me the perfect excuse to take this Saturday and truly do nothing. As I’m typing this, I’m laying in bed in the middle of the afternoon with no plans for the rest of the evening, and it’s glorious. I did start my day off nicely though – woke up for a workout where I met a new friend, grabbed a coffee, went to my first therapy session, and wandered Whole Foods just because (does anyone else do this?! Didn’t even buy anything – I just love it!)

Tomorrow, I’ll be attending a restorative yoga session – yoga, something that doctors have told me time and time again to partake in for stress management, and something I usually blow off. However, in the spirit of working on my mental health, I’m going to try. Again.

So anyway, this post was really not substantial because truly, there has not been much change. More to come, and I’ll keep you all posted, but until then, I hope your life is beautiful and your days are wonderful.

xx

happily Haleigh

#slayingSIBO Update

..there are a few things I just HAVE to update you on. Some good things, and some “you’re never going to believe this” things.

Since my doctor appointment upset last week, I’ve been pretty quiet. Partly because I was feeling very lost again, very frustrated and overwhelmed, and partly because life has been HEEECTIC this past week!

But there are a few things I just HAVE to update you on. Some good things, and some “you’re never going to believe this” things.

Let’s start with the Good Things:

A New Doc:

Of course, after being severely disappointed in the gastro and her bandaid approach, I sought out a new functional doctor (you’ll remember, I had seen one before in 2017, but he’s out in the suburbs and it’s super inconvenient to drive out there).

My criteria is that a functional doctor needs to take insurance though, which adds a layer of complexity because that option is few and far between.

BUT, I found one that seemed promising, and I somehow snuck in an appointment with her on Tuesday this past week.

I was honestly stressed to go to the appointment. In my mind, she was just ANOTHER DOCTOR who I needed to spill my guts to, praying that she’d be my last stop on the road – that process is honestly emotionally exhausting.

But I am happy to report that while I’ve only had my first consultation with her, I feel SO optimistic about her! She sat with me for over an hour, just listening to me, asking me probing questions about my medical and life history, and I honestly just felt so cared for. I am so hopeful that she will be my ride-or-die through all this, and that maybe she’ll be the one to help me find relief and true health again.

She asked to see all previous test results and blood work, so I’ve spent the past week compiling and sending all of that to her.

Next step is getting more bloodwork on Monday (anything she wants to see updated or tests she thinks are missing), and then she reeaaallly feels like what I need to do is a….drumroll for TMI approaching…. stool test. Yep. A poop test. Apparently you can test for all sorts of bacteria, pathogens, parasites, etc that way. The only kicker is that the one she orders isn’t typically covered by insurance… and it’s quite pricey. I’m in the process of checking with my insurance myself to see if they’d possibly cover it, so fingers crossed!

For any Chicago friends, her name is Dr. Nicole Maholy out of Aligned Modern Health – Streeterville.

Mindset:

This week, I took a little break from scouring the internet for SIBO information. I could feel myself getting a little wrapped up in it all, so I’m just chilling. I’m on the antibiotics, so I’m just letting them do their thing (more on that later), and I’m trusting that Dr. Nicole will be reviewing my previous labs to decipher a killer plan of action for when I see her next (April 29th).

Saying that, taking a step back allowed me to use my brain power for other things – a few podcasts that I enjoy that I had putting on the back burner, for instance. Podcasts are amazing – you have access to knowledge and new ideas for FREE. #blessed.

Anyway, because I was able to recommit some mind space this week, I’ve felt a little better mentally. I was going to include more on that in this post, but I actually began to ramble and think it deserves its own thought space, so you can read more about a mental mind-shift I’ve had this week HERE 🙂

Now for the “You’re Not Gonna Believe This”:

Really. You won’t. My gastro gave me the wrong dosage on my prescription. And I was the one to notice and point it out!

While I was gathering all my results to send to Dr. Nicole on Wednesday, I was reviewing my SIBO results and outcome. I took a look at the prescription information, and was like “Well…. that’s awkward because that’s NOT what I picked up from CVS on Saturday…”

So, of course, I had been taking the WRONG dosage of Xifaxan for 5 days… GOODNESS GRACIOUS. I immediately contacted the doctor to fill them in and was hit with a “Oh, thank you for bringing this to our attention. Please stop your current prescription and start the new one we ordered for you. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

INCONVENIENCE? How about malpractice?! I literally could not believe it. I also got into a slight argument with them because I was worried I’d have to pay for the new prescription, and I was getting a “shrugged shoulders” response from them. Luckily for me [and the doctor], the pharmacy didn’t charge me.

It was just the icing on the cake with this doctor. Never. Again. Will. I. See. Her.

Anywhooo, now that I’ve been on the CORRECT dosage of Xifaxan for 3 days, let me tell ya, this medication is NO JOKE. The first two days were a little rough – abdominal pain and bloating, nausea, headaches, dizziness, swelling in my legs and arms… fun stuff.

Yesterday I woke up SLIIIIGHTLY less bloated, and for me that was promising. By end of the day though, it was same old same old. UGH. I’m still trying to stay positive. I’ll be on this medication for 2 weeks total, so it’s a bit of a long ride. I’m hoping to see improvement at least by week one…

General Updates:

Anywho, that’s about it on the SIBO front for right now. I’m riding out this medicine, and waiting to really get started with my new doctor. I picked up a few supplements yesterday to help with digestion and just general detoxification. I’ve been holding out on bringing too many supplements back in because I truly don’t know what I’m dealing with. It’s so easy to get supplement crazy by just reading things on the internet, but honestly, throwing a million things in your body probably isn’t all that helpful, even if everything is “healthy”. Not to mention it DRAINS your bank account!! (Been there!)

But yesterday I picked up the following:

  • Liver Detox tincture – In some of my recent tests, I actually noticed my liver levels were high. None of the doctors seemed concerned, but it makes sense that since my body is stressed, my liver can’t keep up. So, trying to give it a little extra love and support.
  • Natural Vitality Calm – Okay honestly, I finally caved and bought this. I have no idea if it’s actually worth the hype, but a lot of people swear by it, and I’m supposed be managing my stress, so here we are!
  • Aloe Vera Juice Inner Fillet (Preservative Free) – I had tried Aloe Vera Juice before for digestive benefits, and honestly couldn’t remember if it had helped or not, so here we are again lol. I’ll keep you all posted!
  • Not a supplement but… CELERY. Yup. As of this morning, I’m back on the celery juice game. Honestly, I started this WAYYY before the craze happened, and saw some benefits, but had a hard time keeping up with it. But, in my current state, I may just need to suck it up and be more diligent about it! Today is day 1, so maybe I’ll check in a few weeks down the road and report any benefits!

There are still some supplements I’m curious about in terms of how they could help me and my SIBO case. I’ll have to continue to do more research and ask Dr. Nicole her thoughts… but here’s what I’m looking into:

  • CBD (let me know if you have any great brand suggestions!)
  • Antimicrobials
  • Adaptogens – I’m curious how someone with adrenal fatigue can leverage these
  • Pro-kinetics

More on supplements later…

Well, I just scrolled to the top of this post and realized how long it is so I’m just going to cut it off here because truly, if you’re still reading, I’m amazed. Go get yourself a cookie. Speaking of cookies, I’ll be baking these today for the first time as part of an attempt to cook or bake one new thing a week. I’ll do a little review later this week!

Happy Sunday, folks!

xx

happily Haleigh

Talking to yourself – weird or necessary?

It was an interesting thought: your body has been listening to your mind your entire life. Every negative thought, your body has heard and absorbed. Kind of eye-opening, right? I thought about all the negative thoughts I’ve had in my 26 years on earth – every self-diminishing thought, every “what if”, every “you’re not good enough”. Thinking about that, it’s no wonder the physical pain you can feel and damage you can experience as you walk through life.

This week, I took a little break from scouring the internet for SIBO information. I could feel myself getting a little wrapped up in it all, so I’m just chilling. I’m on the antibiotics, so I’m just letting them do their thing (more on that later), and I’m trusting that Dr. Nicole will be reviewing my previous labs to decipher a killer plan of action for when I see her next (April 29th).

Saying that, taking a step back allowed me to use my brain power for other things – a few podcasts that I enjoy that I had putting on the back burner, for instance. Podcasts are amazing – you have access to knowledge and new ideas for FREE. #blessed.

One podcast that I’ve been loving lately is Almost 30. Honestly, these girls are the GOAT. Krista and Lindsey are so fun to listen to, and caring for their listeners. Their podcast focuses a lot on wellness, bringing in amazing guests to chat about mental health, physical health, mindset, manifestation, etc. A few episodes I’ve listed to recently have been helping my mindset this past week.

On one recent episode (I can’t remember which one), they were chatting about shifting how you communicate with your body. It was an interesting thought: your body has been listening to your mind your entire life. Every negative thought, your body has heard and absorbed. Kind of eye-opening, right? I thought about all the negative thoughts I’ve had in my 26 years on earth – every self-diminishing thought, every “what if”, every “you’re not good enough”. Thinking about that, it’s no wonder the physical pain you can feel and damage you can experience as you walk through life.

So what if we flipped that, and actually thought kind thoughts about our bodies and communicated that internally. It seems silly, but what if you stopped yourself every time you had a negative thought and turned it positive; better yet, what if you just started your day or took time every day to proactively say positive things about yourself and your body.

I’ve been trying it the past few days – and honestly, this will sound a little “woo woo”, but I swear it has helped. It has helped me release tension from my body. I never really realized how much of my day is spent in tension until I actively tried to relax. My shoulders are typically always raised, my breath shallow – almost as if I’m perpetually in a fight or flight mode, ready to be stressed (which aligns with the fact that I do have adrenal fatigue, so makes sense!). But I’ve noticed when I take time to think positively and just truly breathe, some of that tension instantly drops, and I feel a little more relaxed.

A little mantra I’ve been starting the day with or saying throughout the day when I need it: “Good morning/hello body, I am thankful for you, you are safe, I love you.” It sounds ridiculous, I know. But try it, I swear it’s euphoric.

I’m starting to realize that for the past two years, I have felt like I’m in a state of fighting with my body. Part of it is because of my symptoms I’m feeling – stressing about them, being angry about them, trying to get rid of those symptoms, etc. Part of it is because I’ve been striving to achieve a certain image – a socially accepted image (probably a deeper rooted issue here, I know).

So I think moving forward, some of the work I need to do is flipping the switch from fighting with my body to working with it.

I wish it was as easy as just “flipping the switch”. Honestly, as I type this, it feels so silly to even have this issue. Why would anyone ever feel at war with their own body?!

But I don’t think I’m alone, in fact, I think a lot of people feel this, but just don’t openly discuss it. I am beginning to crave so deeply to feel one with my physical self, in both functionality and visual acceptance.

So how do you practically go about achieving this? Well, that’s the million-dollar question, now isn’t it?! I think it’ll be a continued practice and journey that I’ll have to intentionally focus on. I’m sure I’ll continue to discover new things about myself, what works and what doesn’t for helping me stay aligned, but for now I’ll stick to my little morning mantra and just remind my body that it’s safe, and I’m taking care of it.

xx

happily Haleigh

It’s been a minute!

Just a little update on what’s going on in the world of Haleigh!

(or 4 months, same thing)

Hey everyone!

Isn’t it kinda weird that we start off posts with salutations, as though we expect people to be reading these updates? I highly doubt many of you read these, but to those of you out there, hello, again 🙂

Well, I realized that I hadn’t posted since 2018 (oops, you all know I’m bad at this), so I thought it was HIGH TIME I wrote a little update on life!

Actually, quite a bit has happened since I last posted, so let’s break it down into some handy-dandy bullets:

  • Fitness update: I stopped adhering to a strict bulk. Ugh I know, I was so committed. Feel free to yell at me, but with my health issues, it was hard to keep up with. I have found that I am just not able/don’t want to go to the gym quite as often as necessary to stick to a proper bulk, and right now, I’m committed more to trying to listen to my body than a program.
    • In terms of fitness programs though, I’m going to start Meggan Grubb’s Peach Plan next week – has anyone else tried this?!
  • Health update: Still dealing with the SAME OLD ANNOYING ISSUES OMG HOW.
    • Endocrinologist – I started working with one, and we checked my pituitary for any tumors. We found a 2mm one, but she doesn’t seem to think that’s causing my hormonal imbalances (although, I still think this could be a possibility – anyone with any experience here?) Now she is sending me for ovarian and uterus ultrasounds since I haven’t had a period in 2 years.
    • Gastroenterologist – I started working with one of these – she basically told me I’m super backed up (duh, and sorry for the TMI), and I had to go through this super cleanse that they put you through before a colonoscopy. It was hell. AND it didn’t really even help. She’s having me take Miralax everyday, but I still have issues. This morning, I went in for a hydrogren breath test to test for SIBO – to be continued here…
    • General health issues I’m still dealing with:
      • No period
      • Hair loss (has stalled, so I’m hoping this was seasonal and hair starts growing back soon)
      • Acne
      • Weird, peeling skin on my face
      • Joint pain
      • Fatigue
      • Gastro issues
      • FUN FUN FUN
  • Career update: I STARTED A NEW JOB! In January, I started a new job at amazing consulting company in downtown Chicago. Honestly, this job has been a God-send. I struggled so much in finding a job with a company that I valued and respected, and a role that I somewhat enjoyed but also paid the bills (city living is expensive, ya know?). But this year, I found it! Everyone here has been so great, and I no longer dread going to the office everyday. It’s a great starting point, and I feel less stressed in my work life – MAJOR win.
  • Other life updates:
    • I’m still single
    • All my friends are getting married or having babies
    • I am enjoying new co-worker friends
    • I am BEYOND excited for Chicago summer
    • I’m trying to get back into practicing piano again
    • I’m so ready for my favorite show The Bold Type to come back like I cannot wait.
    • I’m looking forward to more life changes later this year!

Alrighty, that was short and sweet, but sometimes, in a world where we’re all “connected” on social media but don’t actually speak, it’s nice to write things out, in case you care to know anything about my life.

I sincerely hope you are doing well, and if you aren’t and you’re reading this, I want you to know that I am always willing to listen to any word vomit you may have. Let’s chat.

xo

Haleigh