Reflection, a revelation, and a new decade of growth.

Jump to the good stuff…

Oh hey! Are you surprised that it’s been two months since I hopped on here? You shouldn’t be – come on now, you should all know I’m not super consistent on here, but rather post when inspiration strikes! Alas, this is why I’ll never be a #influencer.

Anywho, last time I checked in, I was amidst the initial stages of a move into my first solo apartment. SO much has happened since then, and I still have a few “apartment posts” and general updates in store, but for now on the midst of 2020, I wanted to talk about resolutions, “new year, new me” and all that good stuff.

It may seem cheesy to some, but I’ve always been a big New Year’s fan. I don’t think you need to change, because you are awesome as is! Nor do I think you have you have to wait until January 1st to make new goals.

I DO think, though, that we should always be regrouping and assessing where we’re at in life, how we’re feeling, and how we can grow. January 1 just happens to be an easy marker to make that thought process happen.

All that said, it’s a BIG year. IT’S THE END OF A DECADE!! I have so many thoughts, reflections and emotions as I think about the past 10 years, and I think I’ll have to do another post to further unpack all of that.

But to kick us off…

Last night on New Year’s Eve eve, I laid in bed, frequently glancing at the time reminding me how I was “going to bed” 30 minutes ago,  whilst scrolling Pinterest for 2020 vision board ideas.

I came across a few quotes that struck me and added them to a collection I’m sure I’ll hardly ever look back at, but hope that the first glance somehow sticks with me. Some in particular, you know the “take time to get to know yourself” type, made me realize that this is a question I ask myself often, and I’ve never been confident in answering.

Who am I?

As a decade is ending, I thought a lot about my past self. I’ve been a dance captain, high school theater lead, honors student. Then I moved on to college and transformed into the involved sorority woman who eventually went on to work for her organization, traveling the country from end to end. Then, I became obsessed with fitness and that altered my identity again. 

But as life ebbs and flows, so do my interests and involvements, and I’ve realized that I’ve often rooted my identity in my involvements and in the boxes society can squeeze me into at that given time. On the surface, this practice has sufficed in leaving me fulfilled in my current label, but really, I’ve always been bothered by having to choose just one for a few reasons.

One, it’s dangerous. As life throws you curveballs, it can feel as though your identity is stripped from you if you can no longer participate in the activity people have come to know you by. For instance, right now – if I sustained a major injury that took me out of the gym forever, that would leave me feeling lost because I have partially rooted my identity in “being fit” and in people’s external expectations of who I am based on a very small portion of my existence. Not great! 

Second, why do I need to fit into your box? I can love fashion, and fitness, and cooking, and movies, and dance and playing piano all at the same time, and no, I don’t have to be an expert at any of them to proclaim that they are a part of who I am! As humans, we are multidimensional. But it feels as tho if you’re not a star athlete with a six pack, you can’t be into fitness. Or if you’re not a top 40 artist, you shouldn’t claim to be a singer. Or if you’re not a professional chef, don’t share your recipes. But as humans, we can be good at many things, and we shouldn’t have to limit ourselves just because society says you have to choose one. Our interests are part of our human experience, and we should never stifle this for anyone. 

So, last night I asked myself this frequently rotating question in my mind of “Who am I? Who am I supposed to be and who am I really?”

And my internal response was something I’ve always thought could not be the correct answer because I must have a “brand”, and I must fit into a box, and I must display a label, but it rang out so clearly in my mind that I started to tear up because it felt so true and so igniting.

I am everything. 

I am everything I have done, everything that has happened to me, everything I love, all of my varied interests, all of my dreams, everything I want to do, everything I plan to be, everything you don’t want me to be, and I am limitless.

In 2020, I’m done trying to squeeze into boxes. I’ll do, say and feel how I want without fear of judgement or confinement of people’s expectations of who I am because I want it all, I can do it all, I am everything. 

More to come,

xx

happily Haleigh

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